If you haven't figured it out yet, I am NOT in Georgia. Though it is a hard realization sometimes, I have to remember that I am exactly where God wants me.
All God wanted from me was that I'd take a step. And I finally did. He said it didn't matter in which direction I took that step as long as I took the first step, He'd lead the way.
So, after a long time of trying to figure out in which direction I should go, I finally took a step. And though it may have been the wrong direction, God did in fact direct me.
Just a couple weeks before I was supposed to head out to Gainesville, I talked with someone whom I have given authority to speak into my life. He and his wife are two of the few people who know everything going on in my life and all my circumstances. We talked for a while about how doing the apprenticeship can both benefit me and maybe even hinder me. I am in no way saying that the apprenticeship is a bad thing but there are some things I need to figure out before it can even be an option for me.
That being my main reason as to deciding not to go. Along with not raising even close to enough support to even get me out there. Though I wanted the doors to be open, God showed me that for at least now, they are not.
Okay peeps. I am a missionary who's struggling (as do most missionaries).
I used to work at a camp teaching environmental education (in simpler terms: Science camp). It was a job I enjoyed working at for over 6 years. But then God called me to do something crazy. Something I never in my wildest dream thought I'd ever do. He called me to go on an 11 month mission trip to 11 countries.
I had done missions trips before but nothing quite like the World Race (WR). The only countries outside of the US that I had set foot in before going on the WR were Mexico and Canada. Mexico was always a comfortable place to go because I knew it. My mom was born and raised there and we as a family would visit often. Canada was a bit different only because it would be my first time away from my family (and for 2 months).
I wrestled with God for several months about going on the WR. I didn't want to go. I was scared. 11 months away from my family.
What if something happened to one of them while I was away?
What if something happened to me?
My niece whom I hadn't seen in nearly 7 years (other than for a brief moment at my mom's funeral)was back in our lives again. I didn't want to have to say good-bye for another 11 months!
But, God's plans for our lives are better than our own.
The first few months I believed and hoped that they would send me home. I didn't have enough money in my support account to continue on. But, God continued to provide in the 11th hour. Just when I was on the brink of being told, "Pack your bags, your headed home." support would come in. Often by people I don't know.
Well, that year ended up being the best year of my life to date. God had taught me so much. I was raised in a Christian home and knew how to walk the walk and talk the talk and I knew God as my Father from the moment I stepped foot on a plane on it's way to the Dominican Republic but it wasn't until after that point that I began to know Him as my Beloved. It wasn't til that point that I began a REAL relationship with Him. He had been chasing me and my heart for so long and though I verbally had said I had given it to Him, it wasn't til I was thousands of miles from home that I actively gave it to Him.
God began to tear down the person I thought I was and He began to whisper into my ear who I truly am (Hosea 2:14). Who He had created me to be. For so long I believed that I wasn't beautiful, worthy or enough to ever be loved. I believed that my voice didn't matter and though I strived to leave a legacy I was too weak. I believed that God wanted to use me but only through whomever I ended marrying.
But as I opened my ears to His voice, He whispered that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139), that He is love (1 John) and that He chose to not only create me but use me because He loves me (Jeremiah 1:5). He told me that He has given me authority to do great things (John 14:12-14) and that with our voices we can create life and death (just as God created life with His voice and we are made in His image) and I am to use my words wisely.
God also began to show me that He wants to use me for great things. Things far more than I could ever imagine. I am too weak, to poor to accomplish these things but in and through Christ I can do anything (Philippians 4:13). My desires began to line up with His desires for my life. It has been incredible.
About a year ago I began to ask God which way should I go and He just responded with "Just take the first step, that step of faith, and I will direct you from there." You have no idea how many times I asked and how many times He responded with the same answer. My pastor preached on it, the youth pastor preached on it, my friends told me the same thing, etc. Everywhere I went I heard it over and over.
Finally, I decided to take a step. I applied for an apprenticeship with Adventures in Missions (AIM); the same organization I did the WR with. This was a BIG step for me. Though I had left my family for 11 months before this was different. The apprenticeship is only 6 months but God may be calling me out there longer. It scares me. After getting accepted I have done everything in my power to convince myself NOT to go (much like the WR). I have told myself over and over that God just wanted me to take a step but it doesn't necessarily going through with it.
Well, recently I got an email from the director/founder (I am not sure of his official title), Seth Barnes, that got me excited about the possibility of going. AIM has been braining a project idea. The idea is to have a home for missionaries to come to where they can be trained, launched or just a place to be refreshed from being burnt out on the mission field (missions isn't all hunky-dory as one might think). The crazy thing is that THIS is something God has placed on my heart MONTHS before receiving the email. As they brainstormed my name was brought up and Seth emailed me.
In the email he did inform me that I would have to be a part of the apprenticeship (which thankfully I have already been accepted for).
BUT here is where I need YOUR help. I would be leaving/moving to GA (where AIM is located) from my home here in SoCal in less than a month! I have been unemployed for over 3 years now (since leaving for the mission field) and I need to raise $3000 in support BEFORE going out there! I have raised $10! EEEK! (It is a support raised position since it is missions.)
Would you pray for my support to come in? And would you prayerfully consider supporting me? If you would like to support me financially, just go here and change the box for "Choose Program" from "Support a World Racer" to "Staff Support". The rest is pretty easy. Any amount will help. Thank you and God bless!
This is a letter that I just wrote to my squad but I thought I'd share it with y'all.
Hey family!
Man, it's been a while since I have updated y'all. I don't even know where to begin. My life hasn't had too many exciting things happen that are worth sharing.
I can't believe that we have been home for over 2 years now. It is awesome to see all that God is doing in all your lives (via Facebook, phone or seeing you during my many trips to GA). Since being back I have struggled finding a job. In fact, when we first got home I got only 4 calls for interviews (from the 100's of places I applied). I finally got hired at a movie theater just before the summer of last year. It was a hard environment to be in and I eventually left to lead a Real Life trip through AIM that summer in Bolivia. Been looking for a job since returning last August but still no success. Even if has been over a year of applying.
Soon after coming back from Bolivia, I moved in with my brother and his family to be their nanny. The plan was to watch their girls during the day and go back to school at night. But that too has been a struggle. On the upside, I have been able to spend a lot of time with my two youngest nieces and watch them grow for over a year now. That has been such a blessing.
I don't know how many of you know but I have had the opportunity to go to Gainesville and cook for AIM's Real Life and Ambassadors Training Camps. It has been so much fun. Through it, I have realized that God has given me a heart to serve and that I find joy through being hospitable.
I began to ask God what He has called me to do; what is my ministry? Slowly, He began to show me the heart and talents He has given me. He has been showing me the path that my life has taken and how it has been a tool to bring me where I am today and where He wants to take me in the future.
I want to start a place sort of like the Betor House but here in the USA. I want it to be a place for missionaries to come and be renewed during their furlough before heading back out onto themission field. As you all know, missionaries get burnt out. Then they come home on furlough only to put on a happy face and tell all their supporters all the great things God is doing but bottle down all the struggles that go along with being a missionary. I want to have a safe place where missionaries can talk and seek counseling if need be. Also, as you know, missionaries are broke. And furlough is no vacation. Making it hard for missionaries who have families. I want my place to have fun things for families to do (ie: horseback riding, camping) as well as be near places where they can do fun things (like an amusement park).
It's crazy how God has been showing me these things only to find out about a month or two later that my pastor was leaving the church to start the same kind of ministry in Colorado (talk about networking). You can see their website here and learn more about what I want to do.
I have been so excited about this and have wanted to jump in since. But, with my financial situation I thought it would take YEARS before my ministry ever became a reality but I trusted that God would make it happen. I started looking at property, writing out plans, even naming my place (Lovely Feet Retreat... kind of cheesy, I know).
Then, I got an email from Seth Barnes that knocked me out of my chair. Him and a few others started brainstorming an idea of starting a place just like what I wrote above. As they talked my name came up and so he shot me an email to tell me he wants me to help start it up. HOW AWESOME IS THAT? God is sooooooo good!
Anyway, in the email he mentioned that I would have to move to GA (duh) and be a participant in their apprenticeship (which I already got accepted for almost a year ago and planned on heading out there this January). BUT, I need to have $3,000 in my support account before heading out in less than a month!!! AND I ONLY HAVE $10 in it right now. Yes, you read that right. TEN dollars. After the race, I know that God always provides (even if it is in the 11th hour). But, I am asking you to please lift me up in prayer. And if you would like to support me financially, just go here or to my World Race page and fill out the form. Just change the "Choose Program" from "Support a World Racer" to "Staff Support". You know how to do the rest. And if you can tell your families and churches too. It would be such a blessing. You all are already such blessings! Love you!
After Sunday's blog, I have spent a lot of time in prayer and talking with family and friends. What I failed to mention in the blog is something AIM has purposed for me to be a part of; something that is just a brain-child right now. But it is in the area I feel called to (read more here).
I am so close to my family (especially my siblings and nephew and nieces), that leaving them is just so hard for me. They know that all they have to say is "Don't go." and I will stay put. But we are called to go after what God has placed in our hearts. We are called to step out of our comfort zone every now and again and sometimes they involve risks.
If you have been keeping along with me through my blog or through conversation then you may have heard about me being accepted to AIM's apprenticeship program (read more about it here).
My apprenticeship would begin in January and would last through the end of June. Meaning, I have less than 2 months to raise $3,000 in support and a plane ticket before I go (I am at $0). I also need to raise at least $833.33 every 2 weeks during my apprenticeship.
I am asking you to prayerfully consider supporting me financially. Any amount of money you can give would help. Whether it's a one time gift or if you'd like to become a monthly supporter. If you would like to support me, click the link "Support Me Please!" to the left or click here. Remember to change the "Choose Program" window to "Staff Support".
Thank you for all your prayers and words of encouragement.
And on a side note, know that your donation is tax deductible... and tax filing is just around the corner.
Have you ever been in a place where God shows you two roads you can go down and He says, "Whichever path you choose is okay by me."? Well, I am in that spot.
Almost 2 years ago God told me "Take the first step and I will lead." I kept on asking "Which direction?", "What step are you asking me to take?", etc. He told me "It doesn't matter, just take the first step and I will lead." (You can read more about that here: http://annacoffey.theworldrace.org/?filename=taking-a-step-of-faith)
Finally, in July I applied for the Apprenticeship at AIM. I prayed about whether it was the right step and God, again, just said, "Take the first step and I will lead." Soon after applying, I was accepted. I was so excited! (read more about it and what the apprenticeship is here: http://annacoffey.theworldrace.org/?filename=big-news)
After I got accepted, God has been telling me "Thank you for taking the first step, I will lead. But I am giving you the choice in which direction to go right now." This is something I have been fighting with ever since. I have always been a person of dependence. Heck, my team can attest to that. I feel like this is my first BIG step into independence and to be honest, it scares me. I know that God calls us to take such leaps. Hey, even Seth Barnes wrote a blog about it recently. At the end of his blog, he writes:
I love that God says "without faith, it's impossible to please me." He loves to see us jump and waits to show us that when we leaped into what we thought was the unknown, it was really right into his arms.
So either direction I go, I am headed straight for my Father's arms. That is comforting to know but it's still a hard place to be sometimes. Please pray for me as I still stand atop this wall, looking down and freaking out.
My life on the race (and even before the race) seemed to move at a much faster pace.
Then, I came home.
God had told me toward the end of the race that He was going to give me a time of rest when I returned home. I knew that meant there would be some time before I would find some work again. I expected it to be maybe 2 to 3 months.
And here I am, almost 2 years later, and still unemployed. This has been difficult for me. I have been used to a life that always seemed like it was moving and shifting. With each new school year, I felt a bit more accomplished. When I began working at camp, it felt right because I got to pour into the lives of children (something I have always felt called to do). The race gave my heart such joy because I was doing things to advance the Kingdom... things I could actually see.
So, coming home to such a slower pace of life has made me feel like my life has been at a stand-still and has also made me feel like I have done NOTHING to advance the Kingdom.
A while back, my pastor began a series of sermons he called "Providence". One of the first things he taught on was how at times we may feel like we are stuck, at a stand-still, in the desert and we begin to pray and ask God to pull us out instead of listening to what He has to teach us while we are in that place. It hit me like a ton of bricks. That was exactly what I was doing. God reminded me of Hosea 2:14 that says, "I will allure her into the desert place and there I will speak tenderly to her." God had brought me to this place because He wanted to speak to me!
So, I asked God to close my mouth and open my ears to hear what He had been trying to say to me the whole time. And that is when God began to show me new dreams. He began to show me what He has called me to do.
I know I have written blogs in the past about what I felt like God was calling me to. One of those blogs was about starting a mentoring organization or partnering with one (click here to read).
I know that God has put it on my heart to pour into the lives of children and I still see this dream as a reality. But, I always knew this dream was not my own. I always felt that it would either be something I kick-started then passed the baton or as something I helped someone else create.
With that being said, God has given me a new dream; one that I feel He has already equipped me to fill. Sure, I do not have all the resources now but I know it will only take some time, investments, networking and most importantly LOTS of prayer.
As I sat and listened, God reminded me of the time my squad spent at the Betor House in South Africa. My squad can tell you that I was wrecked when we were there. Seriously, I spent days sitting on a couch crying and wrestling with God. I also spent some time reading some good theological books, releasing more soul ties, falling in love with my entire squad (not just my team); basically, just being restored before going back out on the mission field again. I also remember Papa Kent saying how much of a blessing the ministry was. He got to serve other missionaries and hear stories of what God was doing around the world.
God began to show me that He has given me the spirit of hospitality; that I get joy when I am able to serve people. One of my favorite things is to cook for people, as most of the people at AIM probably know by now (since I have come in to cook for 6 of their training camps since being back from the race). God is calling me to start my own home for missionaries to come and find rest!
Each time I sit and think about what the ministry might look like (which for now I am calling the ministry Lovely Feet Retreat), God reveals a little more.
Then, one Sunday my pastor (who happened to still be speaking on Providence) told the congregation that him and his family will be leaving in November because they were going to start a new ministry. And guess what their ministry is... having a home for missionaries and pastors to come to and be restored. (Check out their website here.) How cool is that? Not only has God put this dream in my heart but He has already equipped me by putting people in my life that are going to do the same thing! I have been going to this church for over 10 years now. And though it is sad to be losing Pastor Craig and his family, I am excited to see how God will continue to use them in my life.
In my last blog I mentioned some BIG NEWS! I have been accepted to the apprenticeship with AIM and am set to start in January 2012.
But, let me be honest with you. I am nervous. So many questions are swimming around in my brain right now.
Will I raise enough support in time?
Can I find a place to stay?
How am I going to raise the extra funds to fly out there?
If I move back to California at the end of my 6 months there, where will I live?
If I stay out in Georgia, how am I going to get the rest of my things out here?
Will I...?
Can I...?
What if...?
Though the race has taught me that God has it all covered, I still allow these thoughts to wander at times. Then, I find myself making excuses on why I am not supposed to go new places and do things that pull me to have a little more faith.
I just finished reading "A Million Miles In A Thousand Years" by Donald Miller. He talks about how we all long for a story, and a story worth telling; but that most of us live our lives feeling like we are moving in no direction. If we want a story to tell, sometimes it involves risks. So, am I willing to take those risks?
Back in June, I wrote a blog (on my other blog page) about what I feel like God is calling me to. And as I share my dream with others, joy fills my spirit and the more the dream develops in my head and on paper, the more I look forward to jumping right in.
I know the apprenticeship will help teach me the tools I need to make my dream a reality. I know it is a launching pad to the beginning of something beautiful.
Would you prayerfully consider supporting me? I need to raise a total of $10,500. $3,000 of that needs to be in my account before January for me to be able to start the apprenticeship. And I need to raise $833.33 every two weeks after that to be able to continue the apprenticeship over the course of 6 months. The money is used so that I can pay expenses (ie; rent, food, gas, etc.)
Every penny helps. Whether you can make a one-time donation of $1, $100 or $1000 or become a monthly supporter. God will use your support t to make a difference in my life and in the lives of those around me.
If you would like to support me, please click here. And follow the online instructions.
My last several blogs have been about taking a step of faith (some posted here and some posted on my other blog page). The basis is that God has asked me to take a step of faith and that He would direct me but that He just wanted me to move in some direction, any direction just to set my feet in motion.
You see, I have been home from the race for over a year and a half now and my life has felt like it has been at a stand still; with no job in sight nor the means to go back to school. I have sat here and watched as people from my squad have gotten married, had or are having children, going on the mission field full-time, started their own organizations, etc. And I feel like I haven't done much. Yes, I lead a Real Life trip to Bolivia last summer and it was incredible and definitely what I needed. But after coming home, I was back at square one; unemployed and alone. I have my family and they have been such a blessing by taking me in and doing everything in their power to try to help me get on my feet but I don't have that sense of community I had on the race or even with my team in Bolivia.
I have thought about moving to Gainesville before to work with AIM and be a part of the community I have grown to love out there but it just was not the right timing. But after my last trip out there and conversations with several people that are close to me, I decided to apply for the apprenticeship at AIM; I decided to take that first step. And just this morning I got an email telling me that I have been accepted!
As an apprentice, I will spend 15 to 20 hours a week specifically focused on discipleship training and personal development. This will take place in a community oriented, experiential learning environment in which I will have the opportunity to practice the very things I will be learning. Additionally, as an apprentice, I will work alongside AIM staff in one of four departments for 20 to 25 hours a week. The apprenticeship is a 6 month program.
My apprenticeship doesn't begin until January but this time of transition is big for me too. I am asking that you stand beside me during this period. I have things I need to figure out (where to live when I get out there, where to store my things that I leave behind, figuring out a way to get out there when I have no income, etc.)
And I need supporters too! The apprenticeship is support-raised. I need to raise a total of $10,500; $3,000 needs to be in by the time I start in January and I need to raise at least $833.33 every 2 weeks after that. I'll let you all know when my support account has been reopened but for now, would you prayerfully consider supporting me? And also pray that I have a smooth transition.
Exactly 3 months ago today, I wrote a blog about taking the first step. It's basically about God telling me to take the first step and me saying I will. You can read the blog here.
Since then, I have been asking myself and God what that first step looks like. I have no clue what direction to go in or anything. I know that no matter what direction I take, God will direct my steps. But my problem is, I don't even have any ideas of what direction to go in.
I have been looking for employment since coming home from the race. Living in the worst county to find a job in the US might play a role. But, I am sticking to my promise to stay here at least until the end of August. Anyway, finding a job is impossible it seems because I have had 3 interviews since January 2010 and all of them being in the first few months of last year. Companies haven't even called my past employers or references.
But, I held on tight to the fact that I was planning on going back to school to get a degree in Social Work so I can pursue my Kingdom Dreams. Only to find that I have to put schooling on hold until I can figure out how to pay my school loans just so I can qualify for financial aid again. Leading me back to trying to find a job.
This past summer, I lead a Real Life trip to Bolivia. One thing we learned while out there was how to make beads using only paper, glue and lacquer. We were able to create some pretty cool necklaces. I thought it would be fun to make these necklaces when I got home and sell them to support some organizations that I really stand behind. Only problem was, I didn't have the money to buy the materials necessary to start up. My sister loved the idea and wants to help me but money has been tight.
Finally, I decided to scrummage through my closet seeing if I had any material at all to get started. Lucky for me, I love scrapbooking and have a couple boxes full of paper, stickers, glue and other fun stuff. I also have a few sheets of gift wrap paper.
I have been measuring, cutting, rolling, gluing, varnishing and threading. It is a bit of a process but I think this might be the first step I am supposed to take. This may turn into a wonderful thing for a long time or it may be for only a season. But I am happy to say that I am taking a step.
If you would like to view or purchase necklaces, please view my page here. Right now there are only a couple necklaces up.
It's crazy how God uses different people to speak into our lives.
On January 9th, my pastor spoke of what he called "7 Pillars for 2011"... number 3 on the list was to trust God. He mentioned how we may not know how God wants to use us but we still need to take that first step of faith and God will lead the way.
For some reason, this struck me hard and I haven't been able to erase it from my thoughts. In fact, I keep hearing this broken record speaking "Take the first step... take the first step... take the first step."
I got the opportunity to go and serve at the Real Life training camp. I was there to cook but was also very excited to be in community again and to be ministered by those around me. As I met the leaders that would later be meeting their teams, I was so excited and remembered how I was able to lead a team just this past summer. I was excited because I knew how much great things God is going to be doing in these leaders. I was excited because they were going to be handed the opportunity to not just lead these teams but practice the truths God had shared with them on their race experiences. They were going to be given the opportunity to walk in their true identity in Christ. A big part of me just wanted to call home and say, "Hey, I decided I won't be home for the next four months." and then jump on a plane with one of these groups.
Again, I heard as Kelly and Jimmy talked about taking that first step even if we don't know what it looks like. Again, my heart was hit.
This past Sunday, my cousin (who also happens to be the youth pastor at my church) spoke on Psalm 139. He reached the verses that talk about how God is with us wherever we go and we don't need to fear. Again, he spoke about taking that first step because God would be with us. Again, I could feel the Holy Spirit talking right to me.
My dad came over last night. Today we went to a few places and as we sat for lunch, he told me that he knows that my heart is for the nations and that I need to just go. He said those words that I had been hearing all month... "Take that first step and He will lead you."
So, I ask that you come alongside me as I pray and fast and ask God to lead me... wherever that may be. I know I am the answer to someone's prayer and that there are people waiting on the other side of my obedience. So, I am going to take that first step.
So, coming home to such a slower pace of life has made me feel like my life has been at a stand-still and has also made me feel like I have done NOTHING to advance the Kingdom.
As I sat and listened, God reminded me of the time my squad spent at the 
Each time I sit and think about what the ministry might look like (which for now I am calling the ministry Lovely Feet Retreat), God reveals a little more..jpg)
Will I raise enough support in time?
.jpg)
