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I feel like we are strangers now. I know you and you know me but we have missed out on one another’s lives for almost a year. You have seen glimpses of my stories through the sentences I have written but there is so much untold, so much unseen, so much that is simply unexplainable. Please know that I am glad to see you. I am excited to hug you, to see your smile, to share life again with you. However, I am also torn. I am leaving behind another family, new friends, and all that has become familiar. I will laugh at things, as will you, and we will not understand why the other finds it funny. I will probably melt into a puddle of tears and be unable to tell you why. I will most likely dance for joy at random, normal American things, likes clothes dryers, and it will seem silly. I am two weeks from landing on US soil again and already I feel the pressure. It lurks in my thoughts and it invades my dreams. I cannot tell you what is next because I do not know. I cannot tell you how I will pay my bills or afford normal commodities of American life. I cannot fathom how to neatly summarize a year that has encompassed every emotion imaginable. I am not sure what you expect of my return. I am not coming home as a beautifully wrapped, crisp-cornered Christmas present. Instead, I am something like a present that is patch-worked together with previously used paper and half a roll of tape. I guess what I am trying to say is that our reunion may look a little differently than expected. I am asking for your love and patience, sprinkled with a little grace and mercy, as we both adjust to my return. Love you. See you soon. |
