written on April 25th
At this last debrief, before saying our goodbyes to Ashley Musick, she talked about being. She said how sometimes it is difficult to just be when you feel like God should be using you. It’s almost as if He needs you but in all reality, He doesn’t. He chooses to use us. And therefore, when He chooses to not use us, we don’t understand and we find it difficult to see what God is doing. We have to remember the glory isn’t for us anyway, it is ALL for Him!
As she said this, I looked back at the last 3 months and saw no record of me having a problem with just being. But it was because God chose to use me every single one of those months and I saw the fruits of it. Then month 4 came along… and I was angry! I felt like I wasn’t being used and that I saw no fruit of what God was doing!
Everyday, my little team was to go the cafeteria at Chiang Mai and eat with students and then invite them to the milkshake house where we could build relationships with them and get them connected with the people who work there. (So they can build relationships with them and disciple them after we left.) We did meet some students and invited them to meet up with us later and they seemed interested and some even told us they would come. But every time, we were shot down! And these last few days, we would sit at tables with students only to be ignored. And I found it difficult to see how God was working through all of this!
But as the month closes, I see that though I was doing all these things, that is NOT how He was using me this month… but He was in fact still using me and on top of that, He was ministering TO me!
At this last debrief, God told me that my main ministry this month would be just being there for the girls of our squad… and He put a few on my heart in particular. And as this month went on, I forgot my main ministry but God didn’t and He still used me in to speak to those girls. And though I don’t see it now and may never see it, I am sure He used me to minister to the people I met this month. And He surely used them to minister to me.
This month God has taught me:
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To rely on Him above all!
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To love on my sisters and to turn on them as God has put them in my life as Godly women to walk along side of and lean on.
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To let go of my fears because He has not given me a spirit of fear but has freed me from being enslaved to fear. And living without fear is living life to the fullest! And that is what He wants me to live… life to the fullest!
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That as a daughter of The King, I am precious to Him! I am worth more than rubies and pearls! And that I am fearfully and wonderfully made!
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That God loves me more than I could ever comprehend!
