So, as some of you know, I have been really stressing out! (Read my last blog “Stressed”)
I have been wrestling with God since being accepted on this trip. My latest struggle was not having the sufficient funds and to top it off, everything around me was falling apart and I have no job! I prayed and asked God many times, “Why?” I also asked that you would come along side me and pray. After writing my last blog, letters of encouragement have been pouring in and it is AMAZING to know that I have all of you to call my brothers and sisters in Christ.
Well, last night, I was still a little uneasy because God still hadn’t shown me that this is what He wants (well, He has, but I ignore it at times). I asked Him to give me a sign that this is what He truly wants. I checked my AIM account and to my suprise, there was money that poured in from a few people. People I don’t even know, people I have never even talked to. One person actually got in contact with me and to her I am thankful as well!
When I saw that there was plenty of money in my account to go to training camp, I fell to my knees and cried. I just worshipped.
Why do I doubt Him time and time again when He has always provided my needs? I still don’t have any money to pay for my plane ticket but I am not worried… I know that He will provide!
This past week, I wrestled with God but today… today I rest in His arms!
I want to insert a poem I wrote a few years back… I actually wrote this when my Mom was sick and dieing in the hospital.
Falling Asleep in Daddy’s Arms
The pain is too much to bear
Why can’t this just stop?
Why must I continue to go through this?
Through my grief
I continue to find You here
Waiting with arms wide open
You hold me close
And tell me that everything will be okay
You remind me to put my trust in You
I weep until I fall asleep
I am comforted by Your warmth alone
Thank You Father for holding me.
